30 Minus 2 Days of Writing (2014)
Day 8: “Damn”
KEVIN: All I’m looking for is a little direction. Forget blind faith, misguided mysticism, and educated guesses that inevitably lead to educated fist fights. What I want is a reason to believe, the briefest of reasons not to collapse from within and despair this overwhelming sense of futility.
GOD: What reason do you have to despair?
KEVIN: Judging by the current state of the world, I think the answer to that question should be self-evident.
GOD: Fair enough.
KEVIN: You know, whenever I speak to you — whether or not I mean to — it always feels as though I’m punching against a hollow, immobile wall. There is no feeling, no direction, no sense of sympathy or reciprocal concern.
GOD: What would you have me say in reply?
KEVIN: How about an expression of understanding?
GOD: I understand.
KEVIN: I’ll rephrase. How about a genuine expression of understanding?
GOD: If I were to say exactly what you would have me say, then what meaning would you hope to find in my words?
KEVIN: I’m not sure. I guess it would be enough to know that God shared some of my own sensibilities. Maybe that’s a silly thing to wish for.
GOD: It sounds almost sensible to me.
KEVIN: It would be nice if I had the capacity to believe in that kind of thing again. The providence of a Loving Creator is a difficult promise for a person of faith to leave behind.
GOD: …
KEVIN: How can I be assured that I’ve actually been speaking to you all this time?
GOD: …
KEVIN: What if I’ve just been shouting these holy litanies to the whisper of a myth?
GOD: …
KEVIN: Why must God conduct His affairs with so much secrecy? Tell me, God, how can I be sure that you even exist?
GOD: …
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KEVIN: God?
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KEVIN: Are you there?
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KEVIN: …
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KEVIN: All is vanity. So much for faith.
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KEVIN: So long, God. It’s been real.
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GOD: True enough.
KEVIN: Jesus, there you are.
GOD: I always had faith that one day you’d have the humility to find both Jesus and me.
KEVIN: You have a sick sense of humor, you know that?
GOD: That just might be the one sensibility you and I have in common.
30 Minus 2 Days of Writing (2014)
A painful exercise in forced inspiration brought to you by
“We Work for Cheese“
Damn, you can talk to God? Have you got his number?
Actually, God called me, but He claimed it was a misdial.
Dude! This was really impressive! Were you texting or on the phone? Okay, know let me tell you my views on all this. I believe in gravity but I can’t see it or talk to it. I also believe in evolution (knowing it’s just a “theory” and all), but I can’t see it either. (Well, sometimes I think I can, but that’s just me!) Okay, believe in what makes you happy and don’t ask for all that proof.
I appreciate that, Linda. Thank you.
I always envisioned this as a phone conversation. The original concept was that God “misdialed” my phone number, and then He and I would end up having a long, thoughtful discussion.
I had been working on it for years, but I never completed it. Now, whenever the moment moves me, I add another piece of that conversation to my blog. I ran out of the original material a long time ago, by the way. I’m just making it all up now as I go along now.
Thanks for reading. 🙂
Love this, KZ. I love that God calls you by mistake and then decides to fuck with you. It’s exactly what I do when I misdial.
I thought it might have been a text conversation, but it didn’t look like autocorrect was involved!
Ah, very good! I always thought God had a sense of humor.
Just because I can’t see or feel or hear God, doesn’t mean she is not a chicken. I like to leave all the possibilities open.
There’s a reason it’s called “faith” and not “fact.” 🙂
What Jayne said! 🙂
I love your conversations with God, KZ. A little thoughtful, a bit confusing, and completely funny.
A hard one to read… I have had a lot of doubt in faith lately… but brilliant… and made me laugh at the end!
I think God needs to have a little more transparency with his administration!