Kevin: You never understand my Simpsons references. Diana:That’s because all of your references are stupid and obscure. Kevin: They’re not obscure, they’re subtle. You know, like the “b” in “subtle”? You don’t really notice it in there, and you never, ever see it coming. It’s just a silent letter. It’s kind of funny when you…
Author: KZ
Crude Physicality
The mysteries of life and existence reveal their truths to us in many ways. I suppose that’s the appeal of staying alive — the romance belying the promise of unraveled complexities. Yet while the answers tantalize us from eternities of near horizons, the mysteries of life have a way of disappearing when you deconstruct…
Six Flags? More like … Zero Flags. Burn. Right?
In response to my super lengthy complaint letter to Six Flags Magic Mountain, I received the following letter from the park’s Senior Guest Relations Supervisor: Dear Kevin, Thank you for taking the time to forward your comments about the Ride Lockers and our Loose Article Policy. Six Flags has identified several rides at each park…
Diana Has No Sense of Humor
I have a story for you, but there are two things you should know first. (1) I hate redundant language. I hate it when people say “tuna fish”, or “PIN number”, for example. What used to bother me most of all, though, was when people said “ATM machine”. I mean come on, really? “Automatic Teller…
Letter of Complaint to Six Flags Magic Mountain
Mr. B., My name is Kevin Z, and I live in the San Francisco Bay Area. My girlfriend and I went to a lot of trouble on the weekend of August 15, 2009 to drive down to Valencia to visit Magic Mountain. A one-way car trip takes a little under five hours from where we…
The Kind of Conversations I Have While I’m Not Writing
Kevin: so what’s up with you? Casey: went for a jog Kevin: wow, at 3 in the morning? safe neighborhood? Casey: our township is rated one of the safest in the US lol Casey: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canton_Township,_Michigan Casey: Based on statistics reported to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Canton was the nation’s 20th safest municipality with a…
Survival, Boredom, and Other Incomplete Thoughts
Just beneath the banality of our boring and domestic daily experiences, our lives are predicated on a primal war for survival. If you have a hard time reconciling that fact to your own life, then try giving up food and water for a full day, and then reevaluating your worldview afterwards over a turkey sandwich…
Disappointing Visitors from Around the Globe
This just broke my heart. I checked my blog’s visitor statistics from over the weekend and took note of visitor number 1001. Somebody in Saudi Arabia found my blog through a Google search for “arab booty and big dicks”. Piqued by curiosity, I clicked around and followed the referring URL. Visitor 1001 found my blog…
A Rant About Fox’s 24 by Keith Zahn
I won’t bore you with the many reasons why I believe the Fox television series 24 has degenerated over the years from a compelling action drama based on an interesting premise into a cartoon-like, farcical melodrama that parodies itself. No show is perfect. The fact is, for all of its ridiculous faults, I’m still a…
Origins of Greatness: The View from My Bathroom Window
I’m not one to make a big deal about art imitating life, but I must confess my admiration for those idiotic, ill-conceived, poorly executed attempts at self expression that unintentionally breach the realm of inspired genius. Behind my apartment building, just beyond the narrow parking lot, stands a modest wall bearing graffiti that is both…