Jack: If a guy ever attempts to turn your attention to his exposed scrotum, you should kick him… and kick him hard. There’s no excuse for that.Kevin: what if it’s a chick with exposed breasts?Jack: Then you express your sincere gratitude and do your thing.Kevin: ah yes, the double standardJack: No, it’s not a double…
Absolutely Nothing
All over campus I see people walking around with handwritten signs attached to their backpacks that read, “NO WAR.” Now I’m not a big fan of Bush’s calls for war myself, but I find it hard to take these silly little signs seriously. To be fair, I do respect the people that bear these…
Smoke From All Around
I’m sick of hearing about sports fans that riot after a big game. Are people’s lives so bankrupt that they feel the need to break shit every time a major sporting event comes to an end? I don’t know what the situation was like in Tampa Bay, but I do know that, after the Super…
Click on This Directionless, Unsolicited Link Now!
I’m really amused by pop-up ads that ask, “Don’t you hate pop-ups?” It’s fun to pretend that those little bastards are actually on our side, and that they’re doing us a favor by defecting and selling out their buddies. Let’s be honest: there’s really no lower form of life than the pop-up traitor.
Oversensitive
It’s definitely diet time. Since August, I’ve gained about fifteen pounds, which hasn’t made me feel all that great. But just a few days ago, my mother noticed that I look “rounder in the face.” That comment was all it took to guilt me back into exercising again. When your own mother calls you a…
At the End of the Day
Where we’re living in this town The sun is coming up and it’s going down But it’s all just the same at the end of the day When we cheat and we lie Nobody says it’s wrong So we don’t ask why ‘Cause it’s all just the same at the end of the day Don’t…
Why Yes, I Do Feel a Draft
It’s funny to think of how much importance we assign to pants (or trousers, as the British call them). I don’t know if it’s due to societal conditioning, or if it’s some deeply rooted instinctual preference, but it’s hard to take a guy seriously when he’s not wearing pants. Case in point: Let’s say you…
On Feeling Human Again
It’s been far too long since I’ve known the touch of a female’s soft embrace. I’m not talking about hugs, because I get plenty of those. And I’m not alluding to any sexual conquest, either. I miss the closeness of holding a girl and falling asleep with her by my side. Last Saturday, thanks in…
Why McDonald’s, Why?
Why did you downgrade the McChicken to the small, sesame-seedless hamburger/cheeseburger bun?
Spidey Would Approve
Just a minute ago, while cleaning my room, I came face to face with a huge daddy long legs spider that had set up camp in my closet. Whenever I see a spider, my first impulse is always to take note of its last position, hurriedly grab a tissue, and then crush the poor little…