Stay Cool

On the train ride home today, I heard a guy behind me say, in a slightly agitated voice, “I can’t believe how hot it is in here.” Upon these words, I immediately tensed up and expected the worst. When people make unsolicited announcements like that, you can’t help but wonder what their deal is. In general, Americans don’t handle stress very well. And when placed under extreme amounts of pressure, we’ve been known to do some pretty outrageous things.

The guy’s statement might have been nothing more than an off-hand comment. But I think it’s more than likely that he was announcing to the rest of the patrons riding the train: “If it were five degrees warmer in here, and I had a machete, I’d be getting stabbity up in here.” Alternately, you could interpret his complaint to mean, “I’m a few degrees away from freaking out and going on a manic shooting spree in an effort to relieve this train cabin of body heat.” Morbid sense of humor, I know. But don’t blame me. Blame those anger management flunkies that ruin everybody else’s good time.

Some might call me paranoid, but I’d like to think of myself as overly vigilant. That distinction sets me apart from all of the crazies, you see?