KEVIN: All I’m saying is, miracles aren’t as spectacular as they used to be. Back then, virgins and sterile old women got pregnant; an entire sea split apart so that the Israelites could escape the Egyptians; and hell, dead people were even resurrected. That all supposedly happened over two thousand years ago. And, I might add, the only ones who were around to witness these events were the kind of people who stoned adulterers to death. Are you telling me those ignorant antiques made reliable witnesses to biblical miracles?
GOD: In just a few hundred years from now, think of how backwards your civilizations will seem to your descendants.
KEVIN: Maybe you have a point. Even modern day people are still pretty gullible. Look at the second rate garbage that we consider miracles today: peanuts and potato chips shaped like Jesus; people discovering the shahadah written in Arabic on fish scale patterns, and in cracks on rocks; fuzzy rings of light that are supposedly apparitions of the Virgin Mary; fake-ass television evangelists curing afflictions on the air. It would all be laughable if it weren’t so goddamned sad. We’re all so desperate down here to find meaning in the least significant of things. What kind of Divine Plan are you playing at, God?
GOD: First of all, the television evangelists bother me, too. As for the peanuts, potato chips, fish scales, rocks, and rings of light — I guess I was being too subtle.
KEVIN: Oh come on!
GOD: You know, it’s not as if I suddenly stopped caring one day. I’ve been keeping an eye on things the whole time.
KEVIN: I’m sorry to say this, but it seems to me that you either don’t give as much of a shit about humanity as you claim to, or you simply have no more control over the outcome of events than I do. At the very least, can we agree that you simply don’t multitask very well?
GOD: I do a little more than I think you give me credit for.
KEVIN: Right, miracles are happening all the time, aren’t they? Small miracles, they call them. I guess human gullibility wasn’t exclusive to biblical times.
GOD: You honestly think that all of the believers throughout history who bore witness to miracles merely fooled themselves?
KEVIN: What if I said yes?
GOD: Then I’d say you’re full of it.
KEVIN: If you really are God, then you can’t say things like that. It’s beneath you.
GOD: I’m tired of people presuming to know what I can or cannot, would or would not, or should or should not say.
KEVIN: That’s pretty funny.
GOD: Why?
KEVIN: I’ll tell you later.
GOD: It’s hard to keep secrets from me, you know.
KEVIN: So I’ve been told.
GOD: But you don’t believe in everything you’re told, do you?
KEVIN: Sorry God, I don’t believe in blind faith.
GOD: Neither do I.
KEVIN: Then I guess we’ve found some common ground.
GOD: An entire planet’s worth.
Wait, isn’t it a miracle when a blogger you really like starts writing again after being away FOREVER? I think that could qualify as a miracle. 🙂
You’re kind to say that, Nicky. I’m sorry that I’ve been so insular lately, and that I haven’t been around to comment on your blog, or to keep things updated around here on my own blog. I seem to hit these phases where I totally get into the blogging scene, but only for a short-lived stretch of time. I really, really need to make a better effort to keep my blogging activity more consistent. Thanks for remembering me, and for not assuming that I’ve fallen off the face of the earth. I’ll swing by We Work for Cheese very soon once I take care of some housekeeping on my side. Promise. 🙂
I think it depends on what you see as a miracle. I tell you some days when I can get my underwear on straight at a first try, I give thanks.