Well, spring has finally sprung around here, and that means people all around me are dying of hay fever. I feel so bad because I actually enjoy the rich scent of nectar and pollen in the air. In an ideal world, everybody would have the opportunity to appreciate spring that way that I’ve been able to.
But spring is about so much more than pretty scents and warm breezes. Sure, outdoor recreation and falling in love are certainly signs of the season; but above all other reasons, spring is so significant because it is a time of reproduction. Just think, it was only a month or two ago when the animals in your local ecosphere were feeding on winter rations and sheltering themselves from the rain. Now all of a sudden, this cruel and humorless world around you brightens up a bit and becomes one giant orgy of animal lovin’. Hot damn, what a world we live in.
It occurs to me that something about the season is a bit off. Why, during this happy season with most of the wildlife around us reveling in animal sin, are so many of us sneezing? Then it hits me. The cause of most of our springtime woes is airborne pollen, which comes from trees and flowers. And it’s not as if plants have the luxury of uprooting to mate; so they propel their reproductive substances on the April breeze. Essentially, the very air we breathe in during the spring is full of plant semen. When you stop to think about it, how can anybody not be sneezing?