Oh Hell No

The response letter from Richard:

Kevin,

Calm down dude (or woman cuz you sound like one, or you must be gay, not that there is anything wrong with that! [Seinfeld reference if you caught that joke]). The email was all a joke (hooray for me!!!). My bad for forgetting to finish my email with a “Bwwhhhaaa ha ha ha…”. I speculate sarcasm is not one of your winning traits (not that my email was sarcastic in nature; it is just an educated guess on my part as to what kind of human you are). Anyway, many (mature people that is) would actually perceive my email as intelligent humor. But it appears your emotions are pretty tied up with that stuffed bear, causing you to go blind (kinda like love, eh?). Sorry if you took it so seriously (which, apparently, you did) and I’m sorry for offending you because it was never my intent to do so – I really thought you would understand the nature of the email. It is sad to see someone get so worked up about a stuffed bear. You do know it is not real, right? Now, who is 13 again? Or maybe 7 is more appropriate?

Have a nice life and good luck with your site.

-the anomyous intelligent guy from the internet

You’d better believe I had an answer for him.

Richard,

You did apologize (albeit weakly), but I still think you’re missing the point. And actually I find the way you’re addressing me pretty condescending. But then again, I did write you back with fighting words, so can I really blame you?

Anyway, you say that your letter was a misunderstood joke, and you made sure to point out the fact that if I understood sarcasm and intelligent humor, I would have been in on the joke. You also argue that I took your joke out of context, and that I was so blinded by my love for some stuffed bear, that it sucked all the humor out of your letter, and all I was able to see was the negative face value of your words. If you want to say something about my irrational affection for a stuffed animal, then that’s a valid criticism; but I think that is beside the point at issue here.

First of all, I can see how I might have overreacted, so I apologize. But please don’t automatically dismiss my reason for taking offense. Am I guilty of taking your joke out of context? Remember that when you’re speaking on the internet, all you have are words, not gestures and tones of voice. When you sent me your email, I had no real objective way of knowing whether you were age twelve or twenty-seven. I didn’t know if you were a venom-spitting asshole, or if you were just pretending to be one. How could I really have known the “context” of your joke when I had no clear context to put it in?

Try to look at it briefly from my perspective. I work hard on my website, and despite what anybody says, I’m proud of it. I don’t expect everybody to shower me with compliments–and actually I’ve had a fair share of criticism–but I do at least expect a bare minimum of respect when people address me. It didn’t matter that you were attacking my beloved stuffed bear on whom I shower a ludicrous amount of attention. But what did matter to me was the fact that, in recognition of the hard work I put into the site, I got a random letter from a stranger that basically said, “Fuck you and your effort, I want to cause you harm.” That is what I found hurtful about your letter.

Am I too sensitive? That’s a matter of perspective I guess. Are you a painter? Suppose I came up to one of your finished paintings and said, “This is shit. I’m going to burn it and make you watch.” Then later, after I got you good and defensive, I told you that I was merely kidding around. Joke or not, the words were hurtful. Even if you’re not a painter, you’re insightful enough to see the connection I’m making.

I do have a sense of humor, and I actually can see the humor in what you wrote. I can see how it was funny for you, anyway. Maybe you thought it was implied that I should be in on your joke, too. Well, when you’re dealing with faceless email addresses, amid this whole sea of world-wide-web stupidity, you’re less inclined to give somebody the benefit of the doubt when the first thing they say to you is “this site sucks.”

-Kevin

I realize that I should probably learn to let some things go, but it’s just not in my nature. I’ve come to learn over time just how how much I need to be understood. When I believe somebody misrepresents my intentions, I take far greater offense than what it’s probably worth. I turn into a staunch advocate of myself, and I talk the offending party’s ear off until they lose all interest in the fight. Bah. Maybe my problem is I put way too much stock into words. On the other hand, maybe some people just don’t fully appreciate the power of language.

By the way, I’d just like to make a distinction. Not every intelligent person finds every joke funny. In addition, not every person who thinks himself funny is necessarily intelligent. I thought briefly about mentioning that to Richard, but I was trying to be gracious.