His name is Larry, but I like to call him the mad philanthropist. Every time he comes into the store, he heads to my department and clears the shelves—all in the name of charity. Last winter, I rang up his purchase of two hundred towels. This year, apparently, he’s all about comforters. When he came…
The Most Memorable Moment of 2002
Carlos’ Mom: Carlos, why don’t you cook some rice? Cook some rice for your Chinese friend. (turning to me) You like rice, don’t you? Carlos: Jesus Christ, mamae.
Know Thyself
Far too often at work, my coworkers say to me, “you look tired.” But let’s be honest…we all know that’s just code for, “you look like hell.” I’ve always been the kind of guy that wears his heart on his sleeve, but I’m kind of surprised at how easily people can read my mood and…
Just Kidding, Shari Lewis
From my conversation with Mike B earlier tonight at dinner Kevin: I’m going for it. The Moroccan Flavored Lamb Chops. Mike B: Sweet. Kevin: You know, I don’t eat enough lamb. I gotta kill me as many as possible from now on. Mike B: Bastards. They have it too easy. (looking at the menu) Especially…
And Just for the Sake of Saying It…
Merry Christmas, friends.
The Fine Line Between Sentimentalism and Nosiness
One of the highlights of working in retail during the holiday season is finding people’s discarded Christmas shopping lists. There’s something oddly exciting about coming across somebody’s folded gift list, riddled with crossed out names and gift ideas, laying in between two rows of candles on a shelf. I see it as an invitation to…
A Little Bit of “Humbug” for the Holiday Season
So there’s this reindeer named Rudolph, whose nose, by some cruel mutation of a birth defect, glows bright red. His peers make fun of him his entire life merely because they’re too narrow-minded to accept the differences of others. So one day, after all these years of persecution and mistreatment, Santa all of a sudden…
Shelter
Finals are finally over with, though I have a bad feeling that there will be repercussions from this last quarter into the following year. But until I know for sure, I’ll stop worrying as much and try and forget for a good while that I’m just a lowly student. Heh, I already feel like a…
Unicorns
I just had a long and ridiculously involved debate over the existence of unicorns. Jack was on the affirmative, and I was on the negative. I got Jack to concede, but it took some doing. There’s a part of me that’s glad that practicality and common sense have prevailed, but I admit to feeling the…
Public Speaking Woes
I used to be on the debate team in high school, but these days, I can’t say anything worth listening to when I’m standing in front of an audience. It’s so frustrating having the words flow so easily when I commit my thoughts to an empty page, and yet not being able to express myself…