Frankly, I don’t care how you’re doing. I know the feeling is mutual. Why does every conversation have to begin with the inane ritual of each party asking the other how they are doing? It’s a question that we ask to establish some phony sense of rapport, but we all know it’s meaningless and basically unnecessary. It exists on the same plane of usefulness as saying “God bless you” to somebody after a sneeze. We don’t acknowledge any other unpleasant bodily functions with a genuflection and a shout-out to God, so what gives? But I digress.
After somebody has asked you how you are doing, most social contexts demand that, in the name of common courtesy, you keep your replies bright and pleasant. “I’m doing well, thank you. How are you this glorious day?” And the circle of disingenuous empathy fulfills itself and winds around for another spin.
“Oh, I’m doing great, actually. My wife and I just got back from the park.” At this point in the conversation, you begin thinking to yourself: Dear God, I didn’t actually mean it when I showed an interest in your day. “The park is beautiful this time of year, believe it or not. It’s a little cold, but the kids loved it. So did the dog.” Fuck your dog.
And that’s the unfortunate truth. The vast majority of us couldn’t be arsed about each others’ day. To be sure, there’s still room in our calloused, preoccupied hearts for human empathy, but we reserve that valuable human capital for important things like mass shootouts, natural disasters, and global famine.
So go ahead. I dare you to ask me how I’m doing today. I’ll probably reply with something polite and chipper, but I’ll secretly be memorizing your facial features for the flammable effigy I’m making of you back at home. That’s how I roll.
Seriously. It’s always awkward when you are at a fast food joint and they ask you how you are and you say “I’m great, how about you?” and they have to answer “I’m good, what can I get you?” It’s kinda awkward I think. I think asking someone how they are doing is just like saying “Hello” and you should leave it at that.
Diana must be a saint 🙂
Yeah, I fail at social politeness and tact. I’m blunt, honest, and impatient. Poor Kevin … he can’t take me anywhere.
I pick honesty over politeness. If someone asksm “How are you?” Im going to say “Crappy. I’m sick but they made me come to work anyways.” It usually stuns them and they shut up and don’t bother trying to make conversation anymore. They may think I’m rude but to be honest Im pretty insulted with their un-geniune interest in my life. If you don’t want to know, don’t ask. That makes things simpler and more direct.
I am in line with Diana, when people ask me this, I like to tell them the truth, and if other people want to do the same with me, then I’m more than happy to strike up a genuine conversation with them, and spend time talking about how they feel.
I can empathize with you, KZ, especially since during my previous employment at Peet’s, I was forced to say “thank you” and “How are you doing?” to even the rudest of customers. Since I typically do not like to be talked down to, the last time a customer rudely asked when his drink was going to be ready (he only had been waiting two minutes), I politely told him, “Patience is a virtue.”
Don’t think he came back to our store again…
Let me just say sorry in advance for the next time I ask how you’re doing, because it is seriously just out of habit. I mean, I do hope things are going well for you, but maybe I should be asking more specific questions to show that I’m truly interested in someone’s personal life.
However, the question that is most bothersome to me is “So, what have you been up to?” I hate this question for a couple of reasons: One, because I’m never up to anything very interesting, so that leaves me with a lame answer; and two, because I usually don’t like talking about myself. But that might be because of reason #1. Still, I find myself asking this dumb question to other people out of habit.
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