Recently one weekend, while Diana and I were driving home after running some errands, we got into the usual argument over which radio station we were going to listen to. At some point, I relented and let Diana choose the music. Even though Diana eventually got her way, I’d still like to think I came out ahead during this particular exchange. This was the day that I won without even trying.
It all started with Bob Marley’s “No Woman, No Cry”. I was flipping around the stations when I landed on that particular song. Once I recognized the tune, I drew my hand away to reach back for the steering wheel, and I started to sing softly to myself. I freaking love that song. Diana dislikes Bob Marley, and I know it. “Fuck it,” I thought to myself. “She already vetoed that 2Pac song because she hates rap. I’m going to ride this one out until Diana starts to bitch.” It didn’t take her long. As I recall, it took her twenty seconds.
“Ugh, I hate Bob Marley,” Diana grumbled, and she started to poke the radio dial.
“Jesus,” I said, “how can you hate Bob Marley so much, that you’ll never let me enjoy one of his songs from start to finish? Is he really that bad?”
“I just don’t like Bob Marley.”
“Goddamn, Diana. You’re so white. Why don’t you go listen to some White Zombie? Or how about some White Town? Remember them? ‘I could never be your woman’? Man, that’s a good song. I bet you like that song, too. You know, because you’re so freaking white.”
Diana is a Caucasian broad. Sometimes the arguments get racial. They just have to. It’s all in good fun, though. Honest.
“Why don’t you shut the hell up, China?” Diana retorted.
See? Things just got racial again. It’s just what we do.
“You know, Diana, I’d accuse you of being a Barry White fan if I thought Barry White were white enough for you. Alas, he doesn’t quite make the cut.”
At this point, Diana stopped acknowledging me. During the six-plus years that Diana and I have been dating, I have come to understand this silent gesture of hers as an invitation to volley more of my incessant, insufferable bullshit. Diana sure has a funny way of encouraging discourse. She’s lucky that she found a guy who can read between the lines.
“Hey Diana, what are you looking for on the radio? Something by the White Stripes, perhaps? Maybe a ditty by the Plain White T’s?”
Eventually, Diana stopped the radio dial on the classic rock station. Typical, huh?
I paused a moment to listen to the music. It was some 1980’s rock and roll bullcrap — inadequate, though distressingly memorable in a bad kind of way. This was one of those songs that I had heard many times before, but I’d never bothered to identify the title or the artist.
“Who is this?” I asked. “Fucking Whitesnake or something? It would be just like you to pass up Bob Marley for Whitesnake.”
Diana had finally had enough. “Give me your phone,” she demanded, and she shoved her upturned palm right beneath my chin.
One of the more useful apps on the iPhone is Shazam, a program that allows you to identify the title and the artist of a song that is currently playing. Implicitly, Diana was asking me to hand her my phone so that she could tag the song. I reached into my pocket and obliged her.
Diana fiddled with my phone for about thirty seconds. Then, in a voice that was just barely audible, I heard her hiss, “Oh, fuck you.”
It was Whitesnake. Of course it was! Some days, you just win without even trying.
First off, let me say that I’m a white chick and I love Bob Marley. That being said, I think you are a very lucky man that Diana didn’t club you over the head with the nearest blunt object. Lastly, this was friggin’ hysterical!
Haha Nicky, you are a lady who defies stereotypes. Truth be told, I know tons of white people who love Bob Marley. Diana is just one of those random outliers. As for the clubbing, I’d have to agree with you wholeheartedly. Diana really does put up with a lot of crap. Also, I’m glad that somebody else out there thought this exchange was funny. Thanks!
yeah, I repeat… fuck you!
Lesser-than sign 3? [ <3 ]
Ah, young love. So sweet. So inspiring. You two kids ought to get a room.
Without a radio.
This was really funny. Sometimes I call Conrado “Brazilian” or “Brazil” (or Brasil, if you prefer). But he constantly makes fun of me for being white and pale. I’m not a Bob Marley fanatic, but I do love a few of his songs. No Woman, No Cry = awesome. Also, the White Town song you mentioned – that song just makes me want to dance. I recently rediscovered it and love it.
It’s funny how easily you can turn a country’s name into something that sounds racially charged. There’s an odd kind of art to name calling, isn’t there? As for White Town, I remember listening to that song when it first came out in 1997. As far as I know, that was the artist’s only American hit. Even so, “Your Woman” is one of my favorite songs of all time. I should really look into some of White Town’s other songs. Maybe I’ll ask Diana for some advice on where to look.
lol
Now I have to listen to your song! I don’t know it, but I bet it’s great! I was never a “white snake” type person… but I didn’t listen to Bob Marley either. However, every time I hear Marley I feel relaxed.. so I’m off to find it!
Katherine, I hope that you enjoy the song once you’ve found it. The majority of the songs out there were merely meant to be listened to. “No Woman, No Cry” is one of those songs driven by so much emotion, that it was meant to be both listened to and felt. That’s just my take on things, anyhow.
I often write to Marley. He puts me into a creative space. And that’s without the pot.
I was *into* Whitesnake in college. Thought they were the best. I had a roommate who was into Bob Marley but the only songs I can remember from him is “Jammin'” and “I Shot the Sheriff.” I do like that Jammin’ song.
Way to go getting that last burn in on the argument.
Please allow me this opportunity to apologize to all Whitesnake fans out there. I was only ripping on the band because its name easily lent itself to Diana mockery. I must admit, I have an appreciation for Whitesnake’s “The Deeper the Love”. Bob Marley is good times, but I do understand that he’s not for everyone. I agree that “Jammin'” is an awesome song.
And thanks for the props on that last burn! It was really just the result of dumb luck. Although, there does seem to be a fine line between dumb luck, and the serendipity of fate. Perhaps it was fated that I would slip in that final burn.
Like you, I love Marley. Like you, I hate Whitesnake (except maybe that one video–you know which one I mean). Unlike you, I don’t argue with my wife about the radio. I drive the car, she drives the radio.
We’ve been married 30 years, most of them happily.
P.S. — It is nice to win, though, isn’t it?
Hahaha. Oh Diana. They should have a city in the US called Compromise and you should be the mayor. Take Katie and other people who hate compromise and live there! KZ and us other rap lovers will live in a rap town. We’ll call it Compton.
I agree with every letter and piece of punctuation in this comment of yours, Conrado. Compton here we come.