Friend: you guys gonna bang? Kevin: “i’m shelling out 9 bucks, so she’d better put out” Friend: lol Kevin: we’re probably not going to bang Friend: swine Kevin: wha?? Kevin: oh right, the 9 bucks commment Kevin: see, i take so little accountability for the shit i say Kevin: it’s all disconnected from me as…
Category: Conversations
So Is
The Ex: stop being mean to me The Ex: you’re like screaming at me Kevin: i’m just using bigger font. i’m enunciating, so to speak. The Ex: right The Ex: kz needs to get laid Kevin: low blow Kevin: why go there? Kevin: i just helped you out, and you repay me by talking about…
Always Saying Too Much
Unspecified Male Friend: So, do you want to do her? Kevin: Nah, it’s not like that. Anyway, she has a boyfriend. Unspecified Male Friend: So? What does that change? Kevin: Yeah, I know what you mean. Fine, I guess on some level, sure I do. But really…deep down, don’t all guys wanna do their female…
The Code
Kevin: had i known any of that, i might have driven out anyway My Friend: but i couldn’t say that to u because i made the call right in front of her My Friend: so sorry i didn’t give u details Kevin: it’s cool Kevin: next time use the code word My Friend: what code…
Fixing a Faux Pas
Kevin: boo Vanna: *half-hearted shriek* Vanna: too tired… ^_^; Kevin: i wanted to thank you for being responsible for the 1000th SantaBearCam visit Kevin: you are the winner! Kevin: ::fanfare:: Kevin: ::balloons:: Kevin: ::confetti:: Vanna: am i?!? Vanna: *gasp* WAHOO!!! Vanna: *rolls around in confetti* YIPPEE! Vanna: what glorious fun! Kevin: lol Vanna: ha ha…
Proud to Be My Father’s Son
My Father: Who wants five hundred dollars? My Mother: Me. My Father: (holds up a Taiwanese 500 dollar bill) Divide it by 34. My Mother: (smacks my father) Sure, I had to wake up before noon today, but witnessing that exchange more than made up for it.
In Conversation with an Old Flame
“I hate men. I hate relationships. By their very design, you aren’t allowed to be happy in one.” I said nothing. “Tell me you’re single right now.” “I’m single right now.” “Tell me you would fall in love with me if I lived up north.” “It’s a distinct possibility.” “This isn’t an honesty question you…
A Farewell to Decency
Filipe: This friend of mine claimed he liked Hemingway best because “he could take any other author to the cleaners” Filipe: he meant physically Filipe: This guy is very pretentious, and he never, ever swears. He thinks its below him. But I did hear him say once that “Hemingway could kick Steinbeck’s ass in a…
A Conversation I’d Love to Witness
Blasphemer: There’s no such thing as a hell. Believer: Yes there is. Blasphemer: Says who? Believer: Says God. It’s in the Bible. Blasphemer: [Pulls out a piece of paper and writes on it. Hands the paper to Believer.] Here, read this. Believer: What is it? [Examines the paper, which reads, “There is no hell.”] What…
I’m a Clever, Clever Rat
Crystal: sometimes i just want to say, screw it! Kevin: say it Kevin: then run off to seattle Crystal: Screw it!!! Kevin: nice Kevin: now we gotta get you packed Crystal: 🙂 that felt good 🙂 Kevin: lol Crystal: hehe, you’ll have to come with me Kevin: i’ll definitely come with you Crystal: then we…