Today I stumbled across an old, forgotten watch while cleaning my room. It’s one of those cheap plastic stopwatches with a rope to hang around your neck. I know it’s a time-keeping device and all that, but I was surprised to see that the lousy thing was still, well, on time (discounting the end of…
Category: Human Condition
Save That Talk for Your First Gray Hair or Something
A new pet peeve of mine that’s been gradually developing over the years is when people in their early twenties proclaim to be old every time they yawn in the evening before 10:00pm. Whatever happened to enjoying your youth? People are so eager to shrivel up and bury themselves long before it’s their time. Let’s…
The Words of the Prophets
The following is a reproduction of some of the more interesting bits of graffiti scrawled on a particular carrel in Santa Clara University’s Orradre Library: “I study here because I am afraid of people.” “I study here because I hate the world.” “I study here because I have to or I can’t play!” “SCANTRON NOFX!”…
Tomorrow Will Be Too Late
On feeding days, whenever I throw in the usual portion of five crickets into my salamander tank, those apathetic amphibians of mine take their sweet time going after them. I guess when you’re adapted to hunting for food, having dinner provided every few days can get really old. Anyway, as a consequence of my pets’…
Two Years Later
One thing that especially moved me on September 11, 2001 was the fact that a good deal of interview footage that aired on television that day went uncensored. I remember staying awake until 3 AM that night, watching the towers collapse from every angle, and hearing what New Yorkers had to say about the attack…
Defining Moments of My Friday Night Out
9:00pm: Isaac takes me aside the moment we arrive at The Blue Tattoo and orders us two Alizé and tonics and two Coronas. Being the whipping boys of the night, we toast to “designated drivers” and drink up. 10:12pm: Mel is good and liquored up by this time, and he starts in with all his…
Occupying An Idle Mind
It’s 5:53 in the morning, and I’m driving a car-full of my drunk friends home. Upon Carlos’ earlier insistence, Pink Floyd is blaring over the speakers. After twenty minutes of being on the road, I suddenly get the feeling that I’m the only one who’s still digging the music. I look to my right and…
“Then She Was Like…”
What strikes me as incredibly funny is the fact that everybody (and I mean everybody) has his or her own imitation of the female voice. It’s amusing to hear the way men mimic the women in their lives. Almost invariably, they’ll contort their faces and speak in the most exaggerated, high-pitched, and antagonistic screech imaginable….
Full Circle (Yet Again)
With so many things in life that are perpetually changing, it’s surprising when you rediscover something that never seems to change, no matter how many times you accidentally stumble upon it and toss it aside. Robert Frost laments that “nothing gold can stay,” and I’ve always been inclined to believe him. I still believe the…
Irony Behind Iron Bars
So I’m driving in a residential neighborhood. In a window on a particular house, I notice a sign that reads, “United We Stand.” It’s a trite sentiment, but it’s true. I almost couldn’t read the sign as I drove by, though, since there were protective anti-theft bars mounted over the window. And who says there’s…