The following is a reproduction of some of the more interesting bits of graffiti scrawled on a particular carrel in Santa Clara University’s Orradre Library: “I study here because I am afraid of people.” “I study here because I hate the world.” “I study here because I have to or I can’t play!” “SCANTRON NOFX!”…
Category: Humor
Proud to Be My Father’s Son
My Father: Who wants five hundred dollars? My Mother: Me. My Father: (holds up a Taiwanese 500 dollar bill) Divide it by 34. My Mother: (smacks my father) Sure, I had to wake up before noon today, but witnessing that exchange more than made up for it.
Toilet Politics
As I understand it, the unspoken rule mandates that handicapped stalls in public restrooms are off-limits so long as there are other stalls available. The rule makes sense, since you never know when a “differently abled” individual will enter the joint looking for a good place to tinkle. Sometimes, though, all the stalls are taken…
Occupying An Idle Mind
It’s 5:53 in the morning, and I’m driving a car-full of my drunk friends home. Upon Carlos’ earlier insistence, Pink Floyd is blaring over the speakers. After twenty minutes of being on the road, I suddenly get the feeling that I’m the only one who’s still digging the music. I look to my right and…
A Farewell to Decency
Filipe: This friend of mine claimed he liked Hemingway best because “he could take any other author to the cleaners” Filipe: he meant physically Filipe: This guy is very pretentious, and he never, ever swears. He thinks its below him. But I did hear him say once that “Hemingway could kick Steinbeck’s ass in a…
A Conversation I’d Love to Witness
Blasphemer: There’s no such thing as a hell. Believer: Yes there is. Blasphemer: Says who? Believer: Says God. It’s in the Bible. Blasphemer: [Pulls out a piece of paper and writes on it. Hands the paper to Believer.] Here, read this. Believer: What is it? [Examines the paper, which reads, “There is no hell.”] What…
Poor Jiminy
Would you call me twisted if I told you that I sing “When You Wish Upon a Star” every time I feed my frog a cricket?
Possum Attack
There’s a possum loose in my backyard. Normally I wouldn’t really stress about that kind of thing; but lately, the pest has really been getting to me. It sucks having to clean up the messes it makes. It raids my trashcans and smears everything across the ground—and scooping up its droppings isn’t all that fun…
Click on This Directionless, Unsolicited Link Now!
I’m really amused by pop-up ads that ask, “Don’t you hate pop-ups?” It’s fun to pretend that those little bastards are actually on our side, and that they’re doing us a favor by defecting and selling out their buddies. Let’s be honest: there’s really no lower form of life than the pop-up traitor.
Why Yes, I Do Feel a Draft
It’s funny to think of how much importance we assign to pants (or trousers, as the British call them). I don’t know if it’s due to societal conditioning, or if it’s some deeply rooted instinctual preference, but it’s hard to take a guy seriously when he’s not wearing pants. Case in point: Let’s say you…