Most people recommend against drinking alone, but it’s honestly not so bad once you get over the whole pride thing. Actually, I believe having a few drinks by yourself on occasion could be a good thing. Whenever you alter your state, you become far more aware of what your “natural state” is really about. Me in particular, I’ve come to understand that I’m part jester and part spectator. I love playing the goof and getting laughs, but the core audience that I play to is first and foremost myself. And then again, more often than I would like, I’m too damn timid to reach out any further than the bold and outrageous “what if’s” swimming around in my consciousness. I realized all this while drinking alone one night in a bar.
Anyway, once the bar closed that night, and most of the drunken brooding had ended, I started to wander the streets, trying to sober up before I headed back to my car. Wandering with little sense of direction or urgency, I suddenly found myself walking straight towards a homeless man who had already locked onto me and had plotted an intercept course. He was a black man with a reasonably kept beard and a black beanie pulled over his ears. He wore a thick flannel shirt and a faded pair of old jeans. As far as presentation went, he was your classic bum, minus the wino/psycho edge and the shopping cart full of sad, ragged belongings. Maybe the guy left his shopping cart behind so that he’d appear more civilized. I’m only guessing.
He strutted towards me in a fairly confident manner (considering the circumstances), and when he got within earshot, he said to me, rather shamelessly, ” Hey man, I’m trying to buy a forty. Can you spare any change?” I looked at the guy with admiration, with respect for his candor. If there’s one thing that pisses me off more than anything else, it’s needless, goddamn pretense. All these thoughts, all these tangents fluttered across my mind within seconds, and it occurred to me to smile at the guy.
“Sure,” I said. “We all deserve to get drunk once in a while. How much do you need to buy a forty?”
“Five bucks.” he said.
I pulled out my wallet and handed the guy a five-dollar bill. The man reached out to shake my hand, offering what seemed to be a genuine showing of gratitude. I asked the man his name.
“Muhammad.” he responded.
I thought for a moment. “I thought Muslims weren’t supposed to drink.”
Muhammad flashed a wry grin. “Hey man, ” he said, “Allah forgot about my sorry ass a long time ago. Are you going to keep score? Because He sure as hell isn’t.”
Without knowing what to say, I wished Muhammad luck before turning to walk away. Everybody deserves to get drunk now and then. I just hope God sees it that way, too.
Five bucks!! I could have easily bought three magnums with that money! And I don’t mean condoms ’cause frankly, I’m just not big enough. I wonder how fast i could drink three magnums?! I would be trashed.
What can I say? Muhammad is just a forty connoisseur. He’s probably going for the good stuff like say, Country Club. That stuff is 2/$5.00 at Safeway, you know.
That was brilliant KZ. You should have made him take a picture with the Bear though. Also, what if he doesn’t have ID? I thought they were supposed to ID people everytime.