My dental hygienist is always giving me crap for not flossing well enough. Every time she’s scraping away with her instruments, she’ll comment that my gums are bleeding and that I should be making a better effort to floss. Well Debbie, did it ever occur to you that I might be bleeding because you’re tickling…
Category: Complaints
A Little Bit of “Humbug” for the Holiday Season
So there’s this reindeer named Rudolph, whose nose, by some cruel mutation of a birth defect, glows bright red. His peers make fun of him his entire life merely because they’re too narrow-minded to accept the differences of others. So one day, after all these years of persecution and mistreatment, Santa all of a sudden…
Holla Back
More often these days, when I listen to mainstream rap, I wish for the chance to confront some of those so-called rap superstars and ask them, “Don’t you ever get tired of running your mouth when you have absolutely nothing to say?”
“Please, Call Me Osama”
A few months ago I was watching Dan Rather interview some US official about Osama bin Laden. At one point during the interview, Rather asked, “And if we were to capture Mr. bin Laden, how would we try him?” At that point, it took all my strength not to pull out a revolver and shoot…
Hey Mickey, Your Fly’s Open
As impressed as I am with the quality of animation in films, television shows, and video games these days, I do have a minor objection. I think the animators and art directors are trying way too hard to make the images as “realistic” as possible. By that, I don’t mean to say that the Final…
And Speaking of Obesity…
According to a recent study, roughly a third of all Americans are obese. That’s really good to know…too bad that story first broke like 20 years ago. It’s become something of a cliché now for news publications and news broadcasters to wag their admonishing finger at the fat people of America. If you watch the…
And He Can Go Eat Something Else, Too
Some guy is filing a class action lawsuit against four major fast food chains over his obesity. Whatever happened to common sense and personal responsibility? This guy claims he somehow “didn’t know” how bad fried food was for him until 1999. Our country is either full of whiners or it’s full of idiots. In either…