Kevin: You never understand my Simpsons references. Diana:That’s because all of your references are stupid and obscure. Kevin: They’re not obscure, they’re subtle. You know, like the “b” in “subtle”? You don’t really notice it in there, and you never, ever see it coming. It’s just a silent letter. It’s kind of funny when you…
Category: Humor
Diana Has No Sense of Humor
I have a story for you, but there are two things you should know first. (1) I hate redundant language. I hate it when people say “tuna fish”, or “PIN number”, for example. What used to bother me most of all, though, was when people said “ATM machine”. I mean come on, really? “Automatic Teller…
The Kind of Conversations I Have While I’m Not Writing
Kevin: so what’s up with you? Casey: went for a jog Kevin: wow, at 3 in the morning? safe neighborhood? Casey: our township is rated one of the safest in the US lol Casey: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canton_Township,_Michigan Casey: Based on statistics reported to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Canton was the nation’s 20th safest municipality with a…
Origins of Greatness: The View from My Bathroom Window
I’m not one to make a big deal about art imitating life, but I must confess my admiration for those idiotic, ill-conceived, poorly executed attempts at self expression that unintentionally breach the realm of inspired genius. Behind my apartment building, just beyond the narrow parking lot, stands a modest wall bearing graffiti that is both…
The Unnecessary…Ellipsis
While roaming the streets of coastal Bay Area town one weekend, I spotted a delivery van for a seafood distribution company with a particularly terrible marketing slogan painted on its side: “Our Quality…is Your Reputation” Ugh. Grammatically speaking, the ellipsis (those triple dots, “…”) can be used to either insert a pause into a statement,…
The Evolutionary Shaft
Who do you suppose it was in history who first looked at a horse and thought to himself: “Hey, that animal’s strength, size, and general demeanor would make that creature the perfect beast of burden.”? “Just look at it!” this opportunist must have said to himself. “That animal’s back is perfectly contoured to form a…
Who Decides the Test of What Is Really Best?
All I really have to say this Christmas is this: Santa Claus is a dick. As you may already know, I believe that the story of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer strikes the wrong tone for the holidays, and it sends entirely the wrong message. The Rankin/Bass animated Christmas special based on that story doesn’t fare…
Casanova KZ
For as long as we’ve been dating, Diana has complained that I hardly ever write about her in my blog. “Why don’t you write about how wonderful your girlfriend is?” she asks me periodically. “You can write pages about all of your ex-girlfriends or about how you’re pining over some girl, but you never write…
I Don’t
Kevin: that’s what happens when you distract me at work 😛 Casey: Kevin: that’s what happens when i drink white russians at work Casey: fixed Kevin: i’m lactose intolerant Kevin: i’d do better with black russians Casey: that’s racist Kevin: so by your line of thought, would that mean i blow white guys from russia…
Jesus Is My Bro
\Recently, I had the good fortune of being shepherded by a brother in Christ while I was browsing in a bookstore. By “good fortune” I mean to say that I have the worst luck ever, and by “brother in Christ” I’m referring to a pushy, self-righteous evangelist in his mid thirties who throws around the…