I’ve never understood why so many people choose to euphemize sex by referring to it as “the birds and the bees.” Due to common usage, we all know what it means when somebody invokes that phrase. But standing alone on its own merits, the “the birds and the bees” is an embarrassingly ill-constructed analogy. What…
Category: Humor
An Image that Nobody Wants in Their Head
Tara: my birthday’s coming!!! Kevin: yay, me too Tara: eh mine’s first Tara: muahahaha Kevin: <–taller Tara: <==== can still take you DOWN Kevin: <–wearing an iron stomach guard! Tara: ew Kevin: what? it’s armor that prevents you from tickling or poking me. Tara: i dunno i just pictured it and it was gross Kevin:…
Far From Alone
Kevin: i liked the old one though Diana: nah, this one looks better Kevin: i’m the only one who liked the old picture Diana: bwahahaha Diana: and the cheese stands alone, my friend Kevin: the mice will find me Kevin: and then i’ll indulge in a huge rodent orgy Kevin: yeah, you like that, Hammy?…
A Good Start
One minor annoyance I have with being a law student is that everybody always makes the same comment once they find out that I’m a lawyer in training: “Hey Kev, if I’m in trouble in a few years, you’ll represent me, right?” Har har. It gets funnier the twentieth time you hear it. Quite honestly,…
Recent Realizations
The word “freedom” doesn’t sound as credible as it ought to when it’s pronounced with a Texas accent. Even when you suspect that the party on the other end of the telephone is an automated recording, you shouldn’t go into “back-talking, sarcastic asshole” mode and interject with obscenities until you’re absolutely sure it’s a recording….
Boy, Are My Legs Tired
It’s happened to all of us at least some point in our lives: You reenter a room after visiting the restroom, and you find some guy in your seat. When you politely ask to reclaim your chair, the guy stands up, claps you on the arm, and says, “Here ya go, buddy. Just keeping it…
On Bad Legal Writing
Z, K., Law Student. I, Kevin Z, a law student, am writing this statement at 12:30pm on the fourteenth of October 2004. Did I mention that I’m sitting on my behind? Well, to ease your mind, you ought to know that I am indeed sitting on said body part, hitherto referred to as “behind,” and…
Stay Cool
On the train ride home today, I heard a guy behind me say, in a slightly agitated voice, “I can’t believe how hot it is in here.” Upon these words, I immediately tensed up and expected the worst. When people make unsolicited announcements like that, you can’t help but wonder what their deal is. In…
Jack’s Dilemma
Kevin: the problem with studying to music is sometimes you pay more attention to one as opposed to the other Jack: Yeah, that’s the problem I have when I’m having sex with two girls.
“Only in San Francisco” Moments
Priceless experiences outside the classroom. People actually stopping me to ask for directions when I’m obviously lost at all times. Get a clue, people. I might as well have “tourist” or “mug me” tattooed on my face. Witnessing a man in a collared shirt and tie taking a leak while he stood on a high-traffic…