- The word “freedom” doesn’t sound as credible as it ought to when it’s pronounced with a Texas accent.
- Even when you suspect that the party on the other end of the telephone is an automated recording, you shouldn’t go into “back-talking, sarcastic asshole” mode and interject with obscenities until you’re absolutely sure it’s a recording.
- When you’re sick, and your voice deepens, it’s fun to pretend that you’re Henry Kissinger.
- My Henry Kissinger impression sounds more African than German. I’m horrible at accents.
- My salamander doesn’t stare at me from inside his tank because he’s bored. He does it because he likes screwing with me.
- My mom is a closet Homer Simpson fan.
- Outlining your notes during the semester really is better than half-assing it at the end before finals.
- Setting “Still D.R.E.” as the ringtone on your new cell phone is almost as cool as it is lame.
- For the rest of my life, I will never be able to drink Earl Grey tea without thinking about Captain Picard.
- For the rest of my life, I will never once be able to hear the word “penal” without letting my mind wander into the gutter. Come to think of it, that word also reminds me of Captain Picard.
- I just created a stream of consciousness blog entry that references both my mother and a penis joke in almost the same breath. I scare me.
Filed Under: Humor, Lists, Observations
I am both curious and frightened.
penal.
mommmy, the man over there said “penal”. he’s bad.
he needs to wash his mouth out with soap for saying penal.
mommy, i should get my mouth washed out with soap for saying penal.
penal.
ahhah great post.
f’shizzle.