Kevin: so what’s up with you? Casey: went for a jog Kevin: wow, at 3 in the morning? safe neighborhood? Casey: our township is rated one of the safest in the US lol Casey: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Canton_Township,_Michigan Casey: Based on statistics reported to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, Canton was the nation’s 20th safest municipality with a…
Tag: Favorite
Origins of Greatness: The View from My Bathroom Window
I’m not one to make a big deal about art imitating life, but I must confess my admiration for those idiotic, ill-conceived, poorly executed attempts at self expression that unintentionally breach the realm of inspired genius. Behind my apartment building, just beyond the narrow parking lot, stands a modest wall bearing graffiti that is both…
The Unpleasantness of Pleasantries
Frankly, I don’t care how you’re doing. I know the feeling is mutual. Why does every conversation have to begin with the inane ritual of each party asking the other how they are doing? It’s a question that we ask to establish some phony sense of rapport, but we all know it’s meaningless and…
There’s a City Full of Walls You Can Post Complaints At
“One day, when I was quite young,” my friend Wendy once wrote, “I saw a graffittied stop sign saying, ‘stop thewar,’ and I spent two days trying to figure out what thew ar was.” Wendy’s recollection has always reminded me of a story of my own. One day at the age of thirteen, I was…
The Most Sarcastic Jack-o-Lantern in the World
One October, twenty-something years ago, I was a five-year-old boy sitting at the kitchen table staring at a pumpkin. By the end of the night, I would have a jack-o-lantern to call my own. There was no such thing as a child-friendly pumpkin carving knife in the early 1980s, so the most that I was…
The Art of Being Heard
There are few moments in life that feel more surreal and socially awkward than those times when you’re forced to ignore the effusive confessions of a woman in love because all you want to do is purchase a carton of eggs. If you think yourself incapable of this level of indifference, then consider how many…
On Being Saved
Define salvation. The mind immediately grasps for explanations of the metaphysical, recollections of the mystical, wisps of stardust and Divine refuse, ethereal trails of holy time, thoughts, visions, majestic myths. The Divine. We all have some joker in the sky to blame for our joys and our woes, existence of flesh, the theoretical residence of…
An Excerpt from My Conversation with God
GOD: It always comes back to that, doesn’t it? Whose beliefs are the truest, whose practices are the most pious, and most of all, whose version of God is the most accurate? My answer to you can only be this: as in all other things relating to humanity, there is a common thread that unites…
So…Would that Make the Kid Half Jewish?
There’s something that’s been bothering me since my days as a student in Catholic elementary school. I guess you could call it a theological question, but I’d be more inclined to classify it as a matter of common sense. And maybe this is an issue that only bothers me, but I have to say that…
Boy, Are My Legs Tired
It’s happened to all of us at least some point in our lives: You reenter a room after visiting the restroom, and you find some guy in your seat. When you politely ask to reclaim your chair, the guy stands up, claps you on the arm, and says, “Here ya go, buddy. Just keeping it…